Alike, and different.

A strange Upper  Class woman- no, for once, this is Not shorthand for my Mother- took it upon herself to engage my Youngest in conversation in the local farm shop, yesterday. 'Are you trying to go to sleep? Has your mummy left you?' etc. My sensible little boy ignored her, and hid in his coat. 'Now, Ladies, are these parsnips Organic?' One shakes her head firmly: 'No, they aren't.' 'Why not?' Bemused silence. UC's basket is groaning with Wild Garlic Cordial and Potted Shrew, she heaves it onto the counter, sighing.'Serve her' (me) 'first, this can go on My Tab- i'll find something else.' disappears. Immediately, Terrible, Terrible Flummox. Ledgers, till notes, scraps of paper. 'Where is The Account?' They never find it, i leave before she reappears. Whole atmosphere Unsettled. Nice lady buying oranges (which may or may not be organic, but certainly aren't local) completely overlooked. A nice girl -she was my best friend- once told me that we were Frenemies, which apart from being the kind of word that makes you want to poke out the lenses of your reading glasses with Indeterminate Parsnips, is meant to indicate Friendship, with a hint of competition. In Women, obviously. I'm saying: 'i like your hair.' She's hearing : 'it usually looks like candyfloss.' Or worse still, i'm Actually Thinking: 'it usually looks like candyfloss.' 'I must assert my superiority over these two shopwomen, i shall begin by questioning the Parsnips.' Right, well i propose the New Feminism. What we will do is this: we will each buy a good shed. It can be locally sourced, if you like. They are each to be Standard Size, shed-coloured and not fancied up, or altered in any way. Now, when i say 'that is a lovely necklace.' that will be what i mean. Say thank you, look at your necklace, it IS lovely. Pass THAT on. 'Never mind, no one but Hugh Fearnley-Whitwhat ever really enjoys Curried Parsnip Soup, anyway. Can i have some of that cheese there, please? What a pleasing display.' And if you can't think of Anything nice to say, if your Youngest really did 'toilet-train herself', or you honestly Do enjoy listening to the Freak Zone, and aren't doing the aural equivalent of Squinting whenever that '8 Hot Air Balloons are being Inflated' nonsense is played, then you know what to do. Look over at the shed, Remember, you've got one just like it, and you know it takes a bit of looking after. Bite It Back- 'Nice shed, Alison.' 'Thank you.Yours is nice too.'