Packet Goods.

There's a Cup-a-Soup in the Fridge. In the packet, yes. Not in a Mug. That would be Just Weird. 'Dad. There's a Cup-a-Soup in your Fridge.' 'Yes, I wondered about that.' 'Right.' To my Brother: 'There's a Cup-a-Soup in the Fridge.' 'Yeah- what's all that about then?' 'Um.' How Irritated would my mother be if i were to itemize her Larder, i wonder. In the interests of Science. And this Blog. Seven (7 ) varieties of Cup-a-Soup, no, me neither: Canned Tomato Section (in-date sub-division); Emergency Chinese Curry Bank; a selection of unidentifiable Foreign Edibles Bought during a terrifying Smash and Grab in Oswestry Value Mart  (slogan: 'there's a reason it's so cheap'); 3 tins of condensed milk-
'Evaporated.' 'Sorry? 'It's evaporated milk. i may need to make a quiche, and i would require 2 tins of evaporated milk.' 'But you have 3.' 'Well, there's an extra.' Of Everything. 
My brother is emptying the cupboards of his flat, in preparation for moving out. 'Do you think mum would hear me, if i got up at six in the morning and made a list of...' (pause). 'There's a lot of Sauces in here.' 'A Lot? Not really A Lot.' 'i have filled this Whole Box. ' 'It's not All Sauce.' 'No. Some of it is Spam. You like Spam then.' 'No, i can't stand it.' Silence. 'There are Four Tins.' 'They haven't been opened though, have they?' 'Woaah'. 'What?' 'i opened the Fridge.' Defensively: 'I haven't been here for a while.' ' i need a bin bag- this is a pickled..? penis?' 'Not the pickles!' 'My mistake, it's Hot Dog Sausages. sort of.'
'Did you clear the food out then?' 'Yes. i hope you like spam.' Dad: 'No neither me or your brother can stand it.' Mum: 'We can give it to the birds, instead of lard.' (Disbelievingly): 'You can't feed a bird Spam. Oh, and, Mum?' 'Yes?' 'Why is there a Cup-a-Soup in your Fridge?' 'A what?' Walks to fridge. Picks up sachet. Frown. Puts back in box.