hairdresser

'how are you George? not cycling weather, is it?' 'very much not. i am better now i have bought Appropriate Clothing. i don't like wearing it though.' 'not a fan of the vest then? probably not afraid of unwashed salad, either?' 'no. i confess i did panic in Sainsbury's yesterday and buy Bovril.' 'that is a worry.' 'i have taken to obsessively tuning in to Weather stations.' 'be careful with the radio, George. whenever i get in a car with my dad, Radio 4 skip straight to a documentary about sex.' 'every time?' 'unfailingly. i thought i was safe yesterday, when they began to talk about pandas, but it went directly to panda sex, and there we were again.' 'pandas are rubbish, aren't they.' 'totally so. they only get away with it because they are cute. there are doubtless, hundreds of sexually inadequate Lizard Species out there, numbers declining...' 'cockroaches, showing off, desperate for a bit of attention.' 'no one wants to fellate a cockroach or a lizard, that's the nub of it. turns out, that pandas are especially prone to having twins. but will only bring up one of them.' 'nah, i don't like the look of the second one?' 'yeah, basically. any way, pandas have one on one keepers because they are so coddled, and what they've tried, is whisking one precious panda baby away for a couple of hours,then swapping it back and so forth.' ' really? what, he pops in, disguised as a bush..' 'yeah, panda up his jumper..' 'look over there, it's a balloon..' 'but if this is like the panda's best Human Mate, i reckon the panda catches on at some point. he's acting a bit weird today. and how long does this go on for? till the little chaps are 24?' 'hang on a minute, there's two of you- are you staying for the Winter Show by the way?' ' what will it comprise, George?' 'well, about six floats pulled by tractors, to be honest.' 'Christmas Themed?' 'maybe- apart from one lot who always come as Clubbers. i've made a bit of a mistake there, actually.' 'in what way?' 'well, i had this american woman here, yesterday, and i told her about the parade, as i thought, quite realistically, but by the time she joined her group she was announcing a Pageant, and i was a bit panicky, like no, no, not Gay pride.' 'lower your expectations?' 'it seemed wrong to say it, but, yes.' ' it looks lovely, that's your tip, thank you so much. and if any one asks after the cheerleaders and ticker-tape.?' 'don't, don't. she might be out there now, crying. take care, bye now.'